Answering Phones ( 1 of 2 )

Wording of this Handout:

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Do you have an answering phone?
Does it have a message like this on it . . . "You have reached the Smith household. I'm sorry but we're out at the moment. Please leave a message. . ."

Is that boring or what?! For those of you who want to jazz things up a bit, here are some suggested messages for answering phones with attitude!

The MAD SCIENTIST
Clomp clomp clomp sound of feet coming closer
Long squeaky sound, like a door opening on a rusty hinge.
Weird voice:
"Helloooo there. Dooo come with me, down to my basement, and see some of my (pause) experiments. Clomp clomp clomp. Sounds of dripping water. A scream in the distance. Bubbling sounds.
"Just sit here, in this chair with the wires and electrodes, and relax, while I demonstrate how I do (pause) brain surgery. (Spooky voice) relax. This won't hurt a bit. . . now, tell me, what did you ring for?

The LONELY OLD ANSWERING PHONE
Cracked voice
"Hello? Is that someone ringing me? Heh heh. I'm very grateful for this. You know, its been a loooong time since I've had the chance to tell someone to leave a message. Yes, a very long time. Three years and two months in fact. I think my owner has either forgotten about me, or gone on a world trip, or died. Its rather sad really. Here I sit, day after day, telling people to leave their messages, and my tape's been filled up several times, and still no-one comes. Oh well, you might as well say something. Go on, get it over with. Leave your message. I understand. . . you don't really want to talk to me. Treat me like a dumb machine. See if I care!"