Where Do I Go From Here?

All the treatments have now ended,
The first Pet Scan came back clear;
But life's not what it used to be,
Where do I go from here?

Volunteering hasn't happened,
Sunday church finds me not there;
My paints have all but dried up,
While each day seems pretty bare.

I'm sitting in a vortex,
Between pre and post cancer;
Side effects keep popping up,
As I am searching for answers.

Unsure which path to take,
Or what's surrounding the next turn;
'Cause life as I now know it,
Feels just like third-degree burns.

I struggle when I eat,
Can't seem to swallow meds at all;
A feeding tube's in place,
Fear, the foundation of these walls.

Secluded is the norm,
TV's become my new best friend;
Thoughts of purpose fill my head,
Yet darkness seems to have no end.

The struggle bus is where I find,
My mini-me hangs out;
Not one to leave her all alone,
I sit my butt right down.

It's then we both do cry and scream,
For what life threw at us;
We clutch our blankies to our chest,
Then turn our hearts above.

Oh Father, dear Lord, can you hear,
These pleas I send to you?
Ones in which there is no pain,
Where we can start anew?

He answers, but not all at once,
For timing is His thing;
It frustrates us to know this truth,
When only hurt is seen.

Yet faith and trust are what we seize,
When loneliness prevails;
Just knowing His hand's there to hold,
Breathes life back in our sails.

So where is it we go from here?
Through patience He will tell;
Until then we will say a prayer,
Praise God that all is well.

'Cause even though we find ourselves,
Marked in a different spot;
Be grateful of our dear Savior,
Who gave us one more shot.

Remind our self that purpose lies,
In being, and in love;
Walk through the pain with a full heart,
Give praise to God above.

Without Him by my side, you know,
I'd be a flippin' mess;
But knowing He has got my back,
Gives me a chance to rest.

So on those days which make no sense,
Don't linger in the thoughts;
Instead, give of His gift of time,
To others who are lost.