Healing: It's a Heart Thing

Have you ever taken stock of what's unknown about yourself?
Found that abandonment, neglect weren't strictly books upon a shelf?
Do you ever wonder why depression never seems to lift?
Or when you look into the mirror, it feels as if you don't exist?

Have you ever stopped to ponder why it's hard to utter "No"?
Yet when it comes to your self-care, "No" is the only word in tow?
Or how you isolate when feelings come upon you way too strong?
Why stress and overwhelm drain you completely all day long?

Have you ever tapped into the "Why?" that pummeled your self-worth?
Though know in part it's to steer clear of excess pain and hurt?
You people please galore, yet when it comes down to your heart,
Unimportant is the knife which wounded it right from the start.

Have you ever wondered how to free yourself from all the blame?
Forgiveness is the vessel meant to put to rest that shame;
Yet no matter just how often you walk through each of its steps,
The end result finds you in the same cycle of unrest.

You know you're not that person anymore cause God forgave,
But still can't shake that failure will be with you to the grave;
You fake out everyone with "I am Fine" and "All's ok",
Then flee right back inside where loneliness turns to decay.

On the outside one would never know what's eating you alive,
Though at night from your subconscious it floods straight into your eyes;
Frustration and confusion lend to ways you shouldn't cope,
Then disconnect from self seems but your one and only hope.

You know your inner child screams throughout the day in pain,
Yet distraction and avoidance push her voice out of your brain;
Then as darkness looms each night, you get down on your knees and pray,
Maybe someday you will listen to what God's trying to say.

Yes the past is long since over, still the feelings do remain,
Of guilt, regret and worthless intertwined with toxic shame;
Though loved you are by Him, the struggle's plain as day to see,
It's a war within your soul that's terrified to be set free.

Cause you haven't quite yet mastered who you are's not what you did,
What was done came from a place so deep within you still keep hid;
It's not a weight you place on others, instead one shouldered all your own,
Of thoughts too hideous to speak, acts too disgusting to be known.

You understand the ways in which you need to break those chains of fear,
Still fear's what feels like home, constructed walls of of unshed tears;
You know God doesn't make mistakes, but feel as if you were that one,
Yet healing's built on sacrifice, just like that of His Son.

Accept that you may never know of memories He blocked out,
Or have those questions answered conjured up from your self-doubt;
Quit trying to compare the path He's chosen just for you,
Open your heart for in His truth is where you're born anew.

You see to heal is of a choice, a sole decision we must make,
To keep ourselves a hostage or choose a life of saving grace;
So when you're plunged into a struggle, know God's plan is not yet done,
It's through our journey steeped in pain He'll purpose two hearts into one.