Tangled Yarns: Failures

"On behalf of the American people," said the president, "I welcome you to our fine country."

"Thank you," said Zorble One, "And should you ever visit my planet, I'm sure you'll be welcome to it too."

"So," said the president, "What can we do for you?"

"Well," said Zorble One, "We were considering a fall scale invasion, but, seeing there's only four of us, we'll have to put that off till some other time. We could do some exchanging of gifts, please no beads or blankets, and then we could share some of our highly advanced scientific secrets with your scientists."

"Would you care to tell us briefly some of the more advanced ideas you have to share with us, to give me an idea of how far your species has come?" said the president.

"Certainly!" said Zorble One, "We have discovered, amongst other things, a hundred uses for the rubber band, a way to turn old newspapers into breakfast cereal, how to recycle detergent bottles, steam-powered sewing machines, electric cow-bells, and two-way roads. An impressive list, you must admit?"

"Impressive," said the president trying not to laugh.

"Our space-ship itself is proof enough that we are an advanced race."

"Very!" said the president.

"Very what?" asked Zorble One.

"Advanced," said the president.

"Yes," said Zorble One, and apart from our slight accident in your public lake, we have travelled without map or compass across the starry heavens, and landed exactly where we planned." (He didn't mention the fact that he had lost his map, and the compass had been dumped, by accident, with the garbage).

"You certainly made an impact," said the president, looking up from the book he was reading.

"So," said Zorble One, "Before you proclaim me as supreme ruler of your world, I would like to make it clear that we Zorbelites intend to do a good job of things here. We will clean up your pollution, control your population growth, feed your hungry, build houses for your homeless and do lots of other really useful things."