Kids Can Fly: Squeaky Clean

To cut a long story down a bit, the things I didn 't want to happen, did happen. Mum got in. She and her now huge Party of Clean-up-the-country people. They swamped the Parliament Building with their ideas and legislation and endless moralising, and overflowed like a pot of porridge boiling over. There was just no stopping them. They promised so much: an end to crime, an end to war, an end to pollution. Whatever the problem, the Clean's said they could fix it. Now they were in a position to do so, they tried very hard to keep their promises, and woe betide anyone who got in their way.

The first thing to go was violence on TV. From then on, all us kids got to watch was stories about fluffy dolls going to the shops, or bunnies hopping about in flowery fields. For the older kids there were programs about other kids on holiday, or documentaries about how to grow cacti.

Most Sports were banned. Rugby was out, soccer was out. Even table tennis was out if the opponents hit the ball too hard. No-one was allowed to get angry or aggressive. "Sport," said Mum, "Is supposed to build character, but what I see in most sport is bad-temper, revenge, cheating, anger and vindictiveness!" Chess was banned too. Schools were told to forget about rewarding winners. "From now on" said Mum, "Everyone must be winner! So the losers will always feel they are the equal in every way to all the others!"

Mum also decided that everyone should go to church. She (and her Party) had a law passed which forced everyone to attend a Mainline church every Sunday. "It doesn't matter if they're Christians or not," she said, "Church is good for us, so we will all go to it." (This, of course, caused a great deal of satisfaction to the ministers and their collection plates.)

Advertising was banned. All roadside hoardings came down, all neon lights blinked off, all shop windows became drab and uninteresting, with just plain lists of their main items written in sensible lettering. All forms of promotion for products disappeared, and everything was sold as it looked, in plain wrap or clear plastic.

Fashion went down after that. The Clean Party banned all clothes which were what they described as "seductive" or "provocative". Skirts had to be longer, hairy chests had to be covered. Bikinis were banned and one-piece swimsuits made a come-back.

Roads were changed. Roundabouts replaced traffic lights, and the road rules were altered. It was now good-manners and courtesy which determined who had the right of way, not some "out-dated' right-hand rule. Drivers were expected to smile and let the other person