No Strings Attached: Fame

also applied the theory he just invented, and demonstrated how it works! From now on, we must assume that two plus two equals five, and scale all other numbers either up or down depending on their relationship to each other and according to the brand new system invented by our Ernest!"

Ernest cleared his throat modestly and stared at his exercise book. He was sure his addition was out at least a bit.

"This is absolutely brilliant!" the teacher raved, "See this! A six followed by a one equals eight, a five with a three beside it becomes a ten. The sequence has nothing to do with the values, except when the values are random. Ernest here has cracked the toughest mathematical problem since Brabbage first started work on his mechanical computer!"

The class stood to clap.

Ernest blushed bright red and wished the floor would open up and swallow him.

After school, when he had shaken off the school kids, the reporters, and the admiring parents, he ran home. A convoy of cars followed him all the way down the street, keeping a discreet distance behind as his little legs struggled to go fast, and his school bag clanked and clunked on his back. When he got home, his mother and father were there to pose for the Press before ushering him in through the door. There was a special meal for him on the table, and the living room was plastered with bouquets, cards, and unopened letters from fans all round the world.

"We're so proud," said Ernest's father, raising a toast with some rather expensive wine, "To have you as our son! And we thank you for considering such lowly, working class people as ourselves as people worth living with. It is a great honour!"

Ernest wanted to sit on the couch and watch the cartoons on the TV, but how could he? The TV was nowhere to be seen. It was buried under roses, and lilies, and carnations, and daffodils, and daisies, and orchids, and branches from trees!

"I think I'd like to go to my room," said Ernest.

"Don't you want to open some of your mail first?" said his mother, respectfully.

"I'll do it later, thanks Mum."

"May I carry your school bag?" his father asked.

"Sure, if you want to?" said Ernest.